JULY/AUGUST - ISSUE # 1
REFLECTIONS NEWSLETTER
A tribute to my husband Brian who passed July 27th 2016
I can't believe that this month will be 7 years. My life has gone through so many changes since then but it feels like yesterday. I miss him so much and I feel that this was so unfair to him and to us and our future.
I try to stay positive and move on but there is always something that will hold you back. One thing that is happening to me now is the fear that I will forget his smell, his voice, his smile as time goes on I know I will never forget him, Brian was a gentle, kind and very caring man.
I was very lucky to share my life with him for 20 years, we were only married for 8 years when he developed Brain Cancer, the memory of that day is etched in my mind, but so are the wonderful years that we spent together, we knew the cancer would give us 14 months to be together and we made the most of every minute of every day.
If your loved one is still with you, make every day count, and if you are like me dealing with continued grief, please remember all the good times and love that you had. We can't change the past but we can control our memories of the past and make those memories put a smile on our face, there will still be tears and life will go on, but no one can take away the memories of a loved one.
This month Brian I am grieving your loss and celebrating your life, you were the most incredible man, husband and father and I want you to know that my thoughts and heart will always be with you. Donna
“Finding Comfort in the Journey of Grief.”
EMOTIONAL RESPONSIVENESS There are healthy responses to emotional pain as well as destructive responses. Most people have a tendency to react to trauma by denying, suppressing or numbing their painful feels. A common examples of this phenomenon often follows the death of a loved one. Rather than open grieve, the survivors may suppress their sad emotions because they feel they need to be strong for others or because they think they won't be able to handle those feelings.
When you refuse to grieve, you prolong the healing process, you continue to have feelings of intense loss for a much longer period of time, are a a higher risk for developing physical illnesses and are often prone to depression that is stronger then that of someone who openly expresses emotions.
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How can you be more emotionally open following a loss?, First accept that its normal to feel pain. Yes it does hurt like heck to lose someone you love, but while you may not enjoy the pangs of sadness, its healthy to admit that you cared so much. Next you need to give yourself permission to express those emotions. Even though your mind may be telling you. "You shouldn't cry, you shouldn't be sad" you need to let your tears flow and you need to feel melancholy. It will be good for you to cry on someone's shoulder, especially someone who will listen, care and not be judgmental
Love and Self Love
Today you can give the gift of love to yourself in many ways. As you heal and recover, recognize that change can sometimes seem chaotic, confusing, and frightening, Seek the support of others who have been through treatment for depression, have lost a loved one, or who know all about being down or who might be further along in the grieving process then you are. Sometimes nothing is as reassuring as hearing someone say, I know how you feel, I felt that way too. Be gentle with yourself as you give yourself love and reassurance. As Dr. Theodore Isaac Rubin said "Compassion for myself is the most powerful healer of them all. Just as you ask others for support, ask yourself too. Postpone major decisions if you can. Declare a truce in your war on yourself. Remember that mistakes will happen. Give yourself the time you need to heal. Be active when you can, sit quietly and comfortably when you can't. Confucius: "It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop" Praise yourself not only for your courage to change, risk and grow but also for all the little victories you make on the path of healing.
We would love to hear your story, if you would like share with our group, please send copy to My Story
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